


Kiss it All Better (Stay with Me)

by Olivia_Ivy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: By He is We, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Is this what I do with my life?, Listen to Kiss it All Better, Protective Equius, Remember when KarNep was a thing?, This was a year in the making, Violence, me too, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6843397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivia_Ivy/pseuds/Olivia_Ivy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things in life rarely work out the way you want them to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss it All Better (Stay with Me)

**Author's Note:**

> Watch [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFDWM0wrUAo)/listen to this as you read this. This is my excuse.
> 
> This whole thing was a year in the making and I had it in the back whenever I was writing something else. I'm proud of myself for sticking by it so well! And I'm gonna be honest, it wasn't a great week for me. My aunt passed away, my cousin is a wreck, I got in a huge fight with my brother ... this week could have gone better.
> 
> SO, I'm _making_ it better by finally sharing my longest working fic! It is long past relevant now, but I don't care! Enjoy it anyway!
> 
> Also, spot all the beta kids! They're in there, just got to look.

A man laid down in his cell. The guards walked by, checking to make sure the prisoners were all accounted for before they shut off the lights for the night. The man’s cell was bare. Two beds, one sink, one toilet, one mirror. The man didn’t have a cellmate yet. His previous one was just released on compassionate release. He was eighty-four.

The only indication that there was someone in that cell was the man’s only possession. A photo strip from a photo booth. The man covered his head with the scratchy blanket and looked at the photos. They were seared into his memory from how many times he had been looking at them. Him smiling and a woman making a goofy face for the camera. Him smiling at the woman and the woman making a different face. The  woman looking at him while he held something in his hand, out of view of the camera. The woman tackling him in a large hug and kiss.

The man closed his eyes and let the memories come to him. A small comfort, but a comfort none the less.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A grouchy man with black hair and oddly colored eyes barged into his friend's apartment. "Sollux! You better be home, my fucking 'top just crashed and—" he stopped short. There was a woman sitting on Sollux's couch who definitely was  _ not _ Sollux or his girlfriend Aradia.

The woman on the couch had short cropped orange hair that just reached her chin. She had bright olive green eyes that matched the long coat she had on. She had fair skin with freckles across her small nose and rosy cheeks. She didn't wear makeup, but she had long lashes and pink lips. She looked surprised to see him.

"Oh, hi," she said. "Sollux and Aradia are in their room doing ... stuff ... I'm waiting for her." She stood up from the couch and smiled at him. "I'm Nepeta Leijon."

The man blinked his red eyes at her. "Karkat. Vantas." He held out his hand and she shook it. "Uh, how do you know Aradia?" He asked. He's not normally this much of a dumbstruck fool, but something about this girl just knocked him off his feet.

"She's a friend from high school. How do you know Sollux?"

"College roommate." He answered before they fell into silence.

Sollux and Aradia entered the living room, both the honey blonde male and Asian woman looking utterly disheveled. Aradia waved to Karkat and Sollux still had that "I just made out with someone" smirk on his face.

"Here you go Nepeta, enjoy!" Aradia put something in Nepeta's hands. Karkat looked and saw Indiana Jones on the cover. "She's never seen the movies," Aradia explained. Karkat nodded and Nepeta turned to him.

"Have you?" Nepeta asked him. He shook his head.

"No, my friend dragged me to the fourth one though, but I couldn't follow a damn thing."

"You wanna watch these with me? Might be more interesting then." Nepeta said. She was playing with her fingers while she spoke, obviously not as confident as she appeared to be.

He desperately tried to force the butterflies in his stomach down as he nodded. He flipped the snickering Sollux off as he dug through the pockets of his black sweater. Karkat came up with a semi-dirty napkin. Sollux handed him a pen and Karkat scribbled his information on it. 

Nepeta took the napkin with a smile. She dug through her bag (which had a picture of a cat on the side that was, dare he say it, adorable) and came out with a small note pad and a sparkly green pen. She wrote her phone number and email on it and even drew a little (mental cringe) cute cat doodle.

“I’m free tomorrow?” He offered and she nodded. They set up a time and Nepeta left. When she did, Karkat had to face Sollux and Aradia. He held up a finger to preemptively cut them off. 

“Fuck you both. Not a god damned word. Just fucking fix my laptop and I’ll be on my fucking way.”

Sollux got his laptop working again while Aradia texted someone and glanced at Karkat and giggled while she did. Karkat took his laptop back from Sollux when he was done. Just as he left the apartment, Sollux chimed in with a very helpful “Be thure to tell uth when the wedding ith!”

The door was shut before Karkat could retaliate.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Nepeta was sprawled out on a couch. Her pink lips were currently in a small pout. Her little nose wrinkled and made the freckles spattered across it bunch up. "Karkat," she whined, "it smells like guy in here."

Karkat came in from the kitchen. He rolled his odd red eyes and set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. He lifted the woman's feet of the couch, sat down, and placed her feet on the ground. "Well gee," he responded sarcastically, "it's almost like there's a guy living here!"

Nepeta stuck her tongue out at Karkat and put her feet on his lap. She giggled when he grumbled at her. He muttered something along the lines of "What the fuck does 'guy' even  _ smell _ like?" and she laughed more at his expense. It was about a month after they watched the Indiana Jones movies. They discovered a shared love of chick flicks and regularly got together to watch movies. Neither one was ready to call it a date.

"You wouldn't know there was a guy here by looking at the DVDs," She joked. "You have more chick flicks than me."

He made an insulted noise and slapped her on the head with a pillow. She laughed a little and crossed her arms, pouting again. "Karkitty you're being mean!"

Karkat laughed at her behavior. "Aw, poor baby, want me to kiss it all better?" He joked. She nodded, still pouting. His heart leapt to his throat. He moved over on the couch and kissed her forehead. Her eyes were closed. He took a shaky breath and kissed her small nose. He could tell she was just as nervous as he was. He took another breath and kissed her lips. 

His heart soared when she kissed back.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Karkat and Nepeta had been dating for more than five months and it was now nearing Thanksgiving. Karkat decided he could do without the family reunion of fuckasses who refuse to shut their mouths for a fucking millisecond, so he asked Nepeta what she was doing that year. She told him that she was visiting her mom, and invited him along.

Extensive research done on romantic situations (binge-watching romcoms) showed no clear answer as to whether five months (technically six) is the “meet the parents stage”. So he winged it and said yes.

He really didn’t expect Nepeta to be driving him to a hospice. 

He awkwardly shuffled through the sickly white hallways behind Nepeta. The staff and a few visiting family members knew her from previous visits and she greeted them with her signature sunny grin. Even in her dark green coat, she was the brightest thing in that building. 

They entered a room that looked like any other. One bed, a TV mounted in the corner, a couple chairs, and a lot of medical equipment. The occupant of the room was lying in the bed. 

Nepeta kept smiling as she sat in the chair by the bed. “Hi Momma,” she said. The woman in the bed stirred and sat up. She had on a pink camouflage bandana to cover her bald head. She looked frail, weak, old beyond her years. The woman opened her eyes — green eyes identical to Nepeta’s — and smiled. Her smile was just as bright as Nepeta’s. “Hello kitten,” she said in a surprisingly strong voice. She and Nepeta hugged while he stood awkwardly in the room. Her eyes moved from Nepeta to Karkat, catching him off guard. Looking at her straight on, it was obvious she was Nepeta’s mother.

“Momma, this is Karkat, my boyfriend,” Nepeta introduced him. He felt a small flutter of pride in his chest at his title. He took a step forward and held out his hand to Nepeta’s mom.

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Leijon,” he said. The woman looked at him for a moment before laughing. It looked like laughing would hurt from how much she was shaking. She took Karkat’s hand and pulled him down into a hug. 

“Call me Diana,” she told him when she released him. He could hear Nepeta giggling behind him while he sheepishly nodded. Diana leaned around Karkat so she see her daughter, “He’s cute!” she whispered loudly. Karkat felt his cheeks heat up. He always sort of knew a Leijon woman was going to be the end of him, he just didn’t expect it to be  _ two _ of them. Nepeta let out an embarrassed “ _ Mooooom _ ” and he stepped back so he was next to her.

The door to the room opened and two people walked in. One was a woman older than Karkat and Nepeta with green eyes and long orange hair. The other was a man who looked familiar to Karkat, he just couldn’t place it. He had dark skin, brown eyes, and a small smile that made him look like he knew something no one else did. Or that he had just dropped a firecracker down the back of someone’s shirt.

The new woman hugged Diana. “Hi Momma!” she said entirely too loud. Nepeta stood up and hugged her as well. “Hi Neppie!”

Nepeta pulled back and made some sort of gesture with her hands. She turned and faced Karkat. “Karkat, this is my big sister Meulin and her boyfriend Kurloz.” she explained. Karkat nodded and waved at the two of them. “Meu, Kurloz, this is my boyfriend Karkat,” she moved her hands again when she spoke. Meulin smiled brightly at him and said hello, again, too loudly. Kurloz nodded at Karkat. 

It took him a second, but Karkat snapped his fingers and pointed at Kurloz. “I know you,” he said. Kurloz kept that secretive knowing smile on his face. Either he recognized Karkat instantly and was just waiting for the younger male to catch up, or he had no idea what was going on like the Leijons and was just waiting for him to spill. “You’re Gamzee’s brother.”

Kurloz nodded and waved again. Karkat felt a little sick. When he went over Gamzee’s house for the first time, they were six. Karkat saw Kurloz and asked Gamzee why he wouldn’t say anything. Gamzee told him that Kurloz chewed his own tongue off. Seven years later, Karkat asked again when Gamzee was high and he said that Kurloz got an infection when he was a baby and it fucked with his vocal cords. He could sort of make sounds, but not words. 

The occupants of the room all settled around the bed. Nepeta and Karkat were on the side closest to the window and Meulin and Kurloz were on the opposite side. Kurloz turned on the TV, flipping between the parade and the football game. The Leijons started talking about everything that they had missed in the seven days that they hadn’t seen each other. Karkat quickly figured out that Meulin was deaf. Diana tried signing to her, but couldn’t do it nearly as fast or accurate as Nepeta, so she was the designated interpreter. 

While the girls were gushing over an adorable float that featured a bunch of little kids, Kurloz tapped Karkat’s shoulder to get his attention. Karkat turned and saw Kurloz’s phone in his face. It was on the Notes app and it said  _ How have you been Karkat? _

“Good, I’ve been good. You?” he told the mute man. Kurloz smiled and typed something out on the phone. Karkat mentally cursed himself for being so awkward. 

_ I’m fine. Gamzee as well. _

Karkat inwardly winced. He hadn’t spoken to Gamzee since the stoner “dropped” out of high school. “That’s good,” he searched for something to chase the awkward silence away. “How did you and Meulin meet?”

_ Support group for disabled teens when we were younger. You and Nepeta? _

“Mutual friends. It’s actually kind of a funny sto—”

“OH!” Meulin shouted, startling Kurloz and Karkat. They faced the deaf woman along with Diana and Nepeta. “I almost forgot to tell you guys.” She put her left hand above the bed, showcasing a sparkling diamond ring. “We got engaged!”

Nepeta squealed and rushed to Meulin’s side of the bed to hug her. Diana sat up and hugged both her daughters. Karkat reached over and shook Kurloz’s hand, congratulating him. He nodded his thanks.

A nurse came in and gave Diana her medication. Apparently they made her drowsy. “I’ll see you later Momma, happy Thanksgiving,” Meulin said, hugging her mother. Diana returned the sentiment and congratulated the couple. Kurloz hugged her and waved goodbye to Nepeta and Karkat before leaving. 

“We’ll let you rest Momma, happy Thanksgiving,” Nepeta said standing up. She and a semi-reluctant Karkat hugged Diana. She smiled at them, “Happy Thanksgiving. You two really are adorable,” she said. Karkat blushed again and Nepeta giggled.

They stopped at a Subway in a gas station on the way home and got turkey subs. In the car, they were silent. Nepeta spoke when they were about halfway back to his apartment. "Breast cancer," she said. "Stage four. By the time she got checked out by a doctor, it had already spread."

It was Nepeta's car so she was driving. Karkat looked over at her from the passenger seat. She wasn't smiling. He put a hand on her knee and squeezed. She looked over at him and smiled, but he could tell it was for his benefit. He took one of her hands and lightly kissed her knuckles. 

“You don’t have to be happy all the time,” he told her. She nodded and pulled into the parking lot of his building. Nepeta parked and turned off the car. Instead of getting out, she leaned her head on Karkat’s shoulder and they sat there for a minute.

Karkat was dimly aware in the back of his mind that he shouldn’t be this much in love with a girl he had only been dating for less than half a year. He also didn’t care.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Four visits and a month and a half later, Diana Leijon died. Meulin, Kurloz, Nepeta, and Diana tried to teach Karkat sign language, which he took up as easily as he did French. And if the consistent C-minuses he got through high school was any indication, then their laughter was completely justified. He did learn enough to say hello and goodbye. He also learned about name signs and other shit that made his head spin. But Diana was patient and didn’t make him feel like a dumbass when he told Meulin she had a lovely toilet.

They got the call while they were officially moving Nepeta into Karkat’s apartment. They were “arguing” about whose romcoms they would keep out of the duplicates. Nepeta’s phone started ringing while they were debating their respective sentimental ties over each of their copies of  _ Leap Year _ . She did the “I’m-watching-you” gesture while walking into the kitchen and answering her phone. “This isn’t over Karkitty,” she whispered before addressing the person on the phone. He just chuckled and put his copy of the movie on the shelf. She came back in a few minutes later, loosely holding the phone in her hand. She went to the couch and sat down.

Karkat looked up at her. He was expecting her to complain about him cheating because the copy on the shelf didn’t have a paint stain in the sleeve. He sat on the couch and she curled up against him.

“She died, didn’t she?” he asked after a minute of silence. He felt her nod against him as she started crying.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The funeral was depressing, as all funerals are. Meulin was a bit of a wreck. Karkat brought Nepeta to tell her and Kurloz face to face. She started sobbing when Nepeta’s gestures sunk in. In the graveyard, she was leaning her full weight on Kurloz, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. She was trying hard not to cry, but he seemed to have an endless supply of tissues in his suit pocket, just in case. 

Karkat didn’t leave Nepeta’s side. She seemed to be doing better than her sister. She didn’t need to lean on Karkat for support, and she gave a small, polite smile to everyone who offered her kind words. Some of Meulin’s and Nepeta’s friends showed up, both for their sake and their mother’s. He saw Aradia without Sollux, instead she was with a black man and a blonde woman. They all greeted Nepeta with hugs and condolences. The woman had square wire rim glasses, the ones that looked like they came from the seventies, and blue streaks in her hair. The man’s brown hair was cut in some sort of mohawk style. Aradia’s hair was pulled back in a bun with chopsticks in it.

“Karkat,” Nepeta said after they got all the “I’m sorry for your loss”’s out of the way, “this is Tavros and Vriska. The four of us used to play D&D at my house in high school.”

The new man and woman waved hello to Karkat. The man, Tavros, smiled a little. “Diana was the best,” he said and Karkat nodded. 

Vriska huffed, blowing her bangs upward. “Well this sure is a hell of a way to catch up, huh Nep?” she complained crossing her arms over her chest. Aradia glared and went to hit her, but Tavros put a hand on Vriska’s arm and she looked remorseful. “Sorry, you know what I meant,” she said. Nepeta laughed softly.

“Yeah I do, and you’re right. We do have to get together soon.” They talked quietly for a moment before someone else came up to Nepeta. The three of them found a place to sit with the other mourners.

A family came up to Nepeta and Karkat. All three were Native American men, they all had long, straight black hair. They all had dark glasses on. The oldest and the youngest looked way too buff. The youngest looked just a bit older than Karkat. Nepeta embraced the youngest and the oldest. What surprised Karkat the most is that they didn’t snap her in half like a toothpick. The one who was closer to Kurloz’s age (and closer to what people look like when they don’t take steroids everyday from the day they are born, on) hugged Meulin. 

Nepeta pulled back from the men and faced Karkat, “Kar, this is my Uncle Patrick, and Horuss and Equius. Equius, Uncle Patrick, this is my boyfriend Karkat.”

The older man, Uncle Patrick, gave Karkat a dismissive nod. He put a massive hand on Nepeta’s shoulder and squeezed it, telling her he was going to get a seat. He left without giving Karkat a second glance.

Equius was somehow more intimidating than his father. In his slightly too-tight suit and cracked dark shades, he looked like the bouncer for an Indian casino. It was hard to tell with the sunglasses on, but Karkat was pretty sure he was glaring at him. He hugged Nepeta again and asked how she was doing. They had a short conversation that Karkat stood awkwardly off to the side for, before Equius went to sit with his brother and father. Karkat and Nepeta sat down shortly after that.

It wasn’t raining out, but Karkat almost wished it was. One more thing to make his life a romcom. Also, it would give Nepeta a chance to cry.

After the coffin was placed in the ground of the Leijon family plot and covered with dirt, everyone left. Nepeta stood at the site, staring at the ground. Karkat told Kurloz and Meulin that he would stay with her. He put an arm around her shoulder while she stared at the little card that read  _ Diana Riley Leijon _ . He looked around for something to get her mind off it, if only for a minute.

“Who’s that?” he asked, pointing to the headstone by Diana’s grave. It had the name  _ Sean Leijon _ on it and a little flag sticking up from the dirt. 

“My dad,” Nepeta answered without taking her eyes off her mother’s card. “He and Uncle Patrick served overseas together. He died when I was really little. I don’t really remember him. Uncle Patrick kind of took the father role for me and Meulin growing up. Horuss and Equius are like our brothers.”

“They’re not actually related to you?” he asked.

She looked at him and grinned. “Karkitty. They’re Cherokee and I look like I just stepped off the boat from Ireland, and I have a French last name. In what universe did you think we’re related?”

“The universe where you called him Uncle!” he defended with a laugh. He felt her chuckle against him. He looked at a smaller grave. “Who’s Pounce de Leon-Leijon?”

She laughed again. “That was our cat. A car hit him when I was thirteen and my mom buried him in the family plot. She got him a headstone and everything.” She turned so her head was buried in Karkat’s chest and he wrapped both his arms around her as she started crying. He stroked her hair and whispered that everything was going to be okay. 

When she was done crying, she looked up at Karkat. He wiped her face and kissed her forehead. “All better?” he asked. She nodded and they made their way out of the cemetery.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Something Karkat will probably always remember is Meulin and Kurloz’s wedding.  It started innocently enough. The date was set in mid January of the next year. Nepeta was a bridesmaid and Karkat was a groomsman. The wedding was being held in town. The day of the wedding, Sollux and Aradia came over to the apartment. Aradia and Nepeta wanted to get ready together before going to the hotel where it was being held, and Sollux was dragged along. He was Aradia’s plus one. 

Karkat and Sollux were in the living room while the girls got ready in the bedroom. The guys were losing a battle with their ties. Sollux let out a triumphant cry when his yellow tie was finally tied correctly.

“Yeah, yeah, stop gloating prick, just help me with mine,” Karkat grumbled, still fumbling with the purple tie supplied to the groomsmen.

“Tho,” Sollux started. Karkat instantly knew he wasn’t going to like what came next. “You planning on banging a bridethmaid tonight?”

“Fuck. You,” He said after Sollux fixed his tie. “Seriously, both you and Aradia and just about every other fuckface who spends their time obsessing over our love life needs to get a life and let it drop, Jesus Christ.”

Nepeta came in the room at that moment in a soft green dress. She had curled her short orange hair. She would do her makeup and help Meulin get ready at the hotel. She grinned and did a small spin for them. “How do I look?” she asked and Aradia came out, gesturing at Nepeta like one of those ladies on the Price is Right do with the car.

Karkat grinned, “You look beautiful Nep.” She smiled then snapped her fingers. She rushed back into the bedroom to grab something she forgot. Sollux pointed a finger at Karkat’s face.

“That,” he said. “That’th why no one will leave you alone about her. That thtupid, awethtruck look on your fathe whenever you thee her. A blind perthon could thee you’re madly in love with her. The reathon I keep teathing you and thit ith ‘cauthe I’m part of the reathon you two even met. I eckthpect full credit at your wedding and your firtht born thon to be named Tholluckth Junior ath payment for my matchmaking thkillth.”

If it weren’t for the fact that it was a rental suit, Karkat would have painted the walls with Sollux’s blood. Aradia hit Sollux and told him to be nice and Nepeta came out of the room. He kissed her forehead and held her hand before they all made their way out of the apartment.

"And to answer your question Sollux," he said before getting into his car, "most likely, yeah." He climbed in just as Sollux started cackling. Nepeta gave him a confused look and he assured her that it was nothing.

At the hotel, everyone who wasn't there to calm down the bride and groom was finding their seat. Which meant that Karkat went to the room where Kurloz was hiding with his best man and other groomsman. The groomsman was arguing with the best man. Kurloz was standing off to the side, watching them go back and forth. Karkat stood next to Kurloz. He nudged the mute man. At this point he knew enough sign language to have a real conversation with Kurloz and Meulin.

_ What's going on? _ he asked. Kurloz grinned, silently chuckling at the whole exchange.

Kuloz made the sign for  _ m _ and  _ bee _ and pointed at the best man. He was a short guy, but probably around Kurloz’s age. His messy black hair kept falling into his eyes while he screamed at the groomsman.

Kurloz pointed at the groomsman and made the sign for  _ c _ and  _ smoke _ , as in cigarette smoke. The groomsman was taller than the best man, Mbee, but shorter than Kurloz. He also had black hair, but it was slicked back with way too much oil. He reminded Karkat of an extra from the Outsiders or Grease. He had a cigarette hanging from his mouth while he spat insults at Mbee.

_ Mbee and Csmoke are arguing over what to do with my hair. _

Karkat rolled his eyes.  _ That’s stupid. _

_ I know. They’ve never liked each other. _

Karkat looked back at the fight just in time to see Mbee kick Csmoke between the legs. “Oops, I twitched!” he yelled at Csmoke who was on the ground, groaning in pain.

Mbee faced Karkat and Kurloz. “Who even is this DOUCHEBAG?” he shouted the last word for some reason and slapped his hands over his mouth. He started apologizing over and over. Karkat just waved his apologies off.

“Trust me, if you knew me, you’d stand by that comment. I’m Karkat,” he waved at the shorter guy. 

“Mituna. Numbnuts on the ground is Cronus.”

_ I met Mbee at the support group. He has Tourettes . _

Karkat nodded at Kurloz and waved at the other two men. “I’m uh, I’m gonna go get him some ice.”

He heard a pained “Thanks chief” as he left the room. He went down to the bar and saw Nepeta waiting for something from the bartender, some blonde douche in shades. Karkat stood next to her and leaned on the bar. “So what’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” he asked before she turned to see that it was him.

The bartender cut in just as Nepeta realized it was Karkat talking. “Hey,” the blonde guy said, placing three glasses of wine and one of scotch in front of her, “I happen to take a bit of ironic pride in ‘this place’. Why is it so shocking that she’d be here?”

Karkat pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “God I hate people.”

“I’m not people, I’m—”

“Don’t care.”

Nepeta giggled and kissed his cheek. “Aw, Karkitty, lighten up.” She put the four drinks on the small tray the bartender gave her. 

“Okay, so did you actually want something, or did you just come down here to be disgustingly cute with your girlfriend and insult me?” The bartender chimed in. Karkat looked at him.

“Yeah, do you have a pack of ice or something? One of the groomsmen got kicked in the crotch.” The bartender laughed and went to the back room to grab the first aid kit.

“Karkat …” Nepeta warned, shooting him a look.

He held his hands up defensively, “What! It wasn’t me!”

She rolled her eyes and nodded with a small laugh, “Uh-huh, sure. Try not to kill anyone before the ceremony, ‘kay?”

“I make no promises,” he kissed her temple and saw that one of the wine glasses was more full than the others. He pointed at it, “I’m assuming that one’s for Meulin?”

“You assume correctly. And unless I want Porrim and Meulin to throw Meenah,” she pointed at the scotch when she said Meenah, “out a window, I should get back. See you at the end of the aisle.” She winked and went to the bridal suite. Karkat stood at the bar slightly stunned because he just realized damn, he would like that to be a true offer.

He got the ice pack from the bartender and went back to the room with her words still on his mind. Kurloz asked him what was wrong (after he tossed Cronus the ice pack and injured him further), but he just shook his head and said it was nothing.

The ceremony itself was kind of a blur to Karkat. The other bridesmaid was this woman who looked like she just stepped off the Jersey Shore. The maid of honor had mocha colored skin and tattoos that were just a shade darker than her skin. Meulin was walked down the aisle by Mr. Zahhak. Kurloz signed his vows to Meulin and she started crying halfway through. He paused and handed her a handkerchief before continuing his speech. Karkat couldn’t see what he was saying, but he assumed it was some sappy love thing worthy of a romcom. From what he caught of Meulin’s vows, it was safe to assume that’s what Kurloz’s were like.

The reception is what Karkat remembered most about the Makara-Leijon wedding. Vriska and Tavros were invited and they, Karkat, Nepeta, Sollux, and Aradia were all at a table. The girls were off doing something and the guys were nursing their drinks at the table. There were a few shrieks from the crowd they disappeared into and when they came back the music started up. Aradia and Vriska were laughing and Nepeta’s face was flushed bright red.

“What, what happened?” Karkat asked as they took their seats. Nepeta just shook her head and covered her face with one hand while the other remained under the table. Vriska and Aradia laughed more at her reaction.

“Vriska, did you, uh, say or do something to make Nepeta, um, uncomfortable?” Tavros asked. She scoffed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. 

“Oh, puh- _ leeeeeeeease _ Tavdork, give me a break,” she grinned at Karkat. While the three of them hadn’t exactly gotten close, they were friendly enough. “Ask your girlfriend what she caught Karkles.”

He glanced at Nepeta. She was biting the inside of her cheek as she put her other hand on the table. The hand that was holding a bouquet of flowers. Sollux joined Vriska and Aradia’s laughter. Tavros’s pleas that they go easy on Karkat and Nepeta were lost under the sound of their giggles. Karkat took a long drink. “I’m not drunk enough for your shit!” he declared.

The reception went on and (thankfully) they let the subject of the bouquet toss drop. An hour or so before the night would draw to a close, Kurloz tapped Karkat on the shoulder. Tavros and Vriska were dancing, Aradia and Sollux were probably in a broom closet somewhere, and Nepeta was talking with Equius, so he was alone at the table. “What’s up?” He asked Kurloz.

_ Small emergency. Need your help . _

Karkat stood up. “What’s wrong?” he asked again.

_ Gclown . _

Karkat’s stomach dropped. Gamzee hadn’t been invited to the wedding. Kurloz hadn’t spoken to him in months because of his drug habits. Their dad was constantly bailing Gamzee out of jail, but Kurloz didn’t want anything to do with his little brother. 

“Where is he?” he asked and Kurloz lead him to the fire exit of the room. Gamzee was just outside. The door was propped open letting in the January chill. He looked terrible. His black hair was even more out of control than usual. His eyes were bloodshot, his teeth were yellow, and he was scratching the side of his face while his eyes darted from side to side. All he had on was a ratty t-shirt that stunk of sweat and piss, shoes that were a couple sizes too large, and dirty pajama pants with polka dots on them. He had a sweatshirt tied around his waist.

His eyes landed on Karkat and he grinned, revealing yellow teeth. “Karbro,” he said in a scratchy voice. “Good to motherfucking see you. How long’s it been?”

“Uh, it’s been a while,” Karkat said, rubbing the back of his neck. It had been a while. November of junior year when Gamzee got kicked out for smoking weed on school property. “What are you doing here?”

“What? Can’t a motherfucker go to his own brother’s wedding?” He tilted his head almost too far to the side. His eyes were darting everywhere at once.

_ Not if you aren’t invited . _ Kurloz signed. It took Gamzee a minute to decipher what his brother was saying, but he did and frowned when the words registered. “Well, is Dad here? He said something about cutting me off last time I talked to him,” he nervously laughed.

_ Just call him . _ Gamzee couldn’t seem to focus on anything, so Karkat translated.

Gamzee nervously laughed again and scratched the side of his face. “I would, but I sold my phone.”

“Sold it?” Karkat asked. Gamzee nodded, focusing on him for half a second longer than he did anything else.

“Yeah. Who needs all that ringing and shit? Plus, aren’t those motherfuckers supposed to be bad for your health?”

_ So is heroin, which is what I’m sure you sold it for! _ Kurloz signed angrily.

“Aw, come on bro—” he started when Karkat translated.

_ No. Gclown, Dad’s not here. Leave . _ Kurloz signed, then left. Probably to get hotel security or someone to help throw him out.

Karkat was going to leave as well, but Nepeta found him at that moment. She was laughing at something when she came over. “Karkitty, where— Oh, who’s this?” she asked when she saw Gamzee. Gamzee stared back at her. Karkat put his arm around her, not liking Gamzee’s gaze.

“It’s nothing, Nep. Just give me a minute,” he said. She nodded, looked between the two men, and kissed Karkat’s cheek before rejoining the party. Karkat looked back at Gamzee. He was still watching Nepeta. Karkat’s blood boiled.

“Gamzee,” he hissed through clenched teeth, His fingernails were digging half-moon shapes in his palm. “Just leave.” Karkat kicked away the box that was holding the door open and let it slam in his face.

He didn’t see the rage that covered Gamzee’s face as the door shut.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Nepeta asked him again what that was about, but he told her not to worry and the night ended uneventfully. For the most part, that is. 

Karkat had an odd dream. He saw the hotel set up for the ceremony. He felt someone slap his back comfortingly and turned around to see Sollux in his tux, except with a red tie. “You gonna path out?” he asked. Karkat answered, but not of his own accord. 

“Ask me again in a minute,” he said. Sollux chuckled.

“You’ll be fine, wuth. But if you do barf, or path out or thomething, don’t get it on me. Thith ith a good thuit.” Karkat could feel himself scoff and roll his eyes before pushing Sollux.  Music came from speakers on the wall. Everyone in the room turned to the doors at one end of the aisle. The bridesmaids were walking in. The first was Meulin, in an outfit similar to Nepeta’s from that day. Then Aradia, then Vriska, and finally the bride walked down and everyone stood. Her face was veiled and she was being walked down the aisle by Patrick Zahhak. Karkat tore his eyes from the breathtaking sight long enough to identify Equius Zahhak on the bride’s side of the seats. Glaring at Karkat through his cracked shades, per usual. 

Patrick Zahhak and the bride reached Karkat. He could see through the veil. It was Nepeta. Time seemed to go faster and before he knew it, they were kissing and people were clapping. 

He opened his eyes and the room had changed. It was a hospital room and Nepeta was lying on the bed in a hospital gown. Her hair was matted to her head with sweat and he was holding her hand. The hand she was holding was sore. He pushed a lock of her orange hair behind her ear. 

“How you doing?” he asked her.

“I hate you,” she panted. Karkat chuckled.

“Well, you’re stuck with me.”

“Poor me,” she laughed dryly and winced in pain. “Ugh, headache,” she looked up at him with those big adorable kitten eyes that he could never say no to. “Kiss it better?” she asked. Karkat grinned and kissed her forehead. 

“Alright Nepeta,” a woman with a slight English accent said from the foot of the bed. Karkat and Nepeta looked down at her. She was wearing a scrub gown, a jade green scrub cap, and a mask covering her nose and mouth. She had dark skin and dark green eyes. It looked like she was smiling under the mask. “Just one more big push. Are you ready to meet your daughter?”

Nepeta nodded and looked at Karkat. “Are you?”

Karkat nodded and smiled. “Just try not to break my hand this time.”

She laughed before her face contorted in pain. The doctor called out for her to push, Nepeta screamed, and Karkat let out what was possibly the biggest “FUCK” of his life as the red head crushed his hand in hers.

And then a baby’s cry was heard in the already loud room. 

A nurse cleaned the baby up and wrapped her in a pink blanket before handing her to the new parents. The little girl stopped crying as she was placed in her mother’s arms. The little girl had a tuft of fine black hair on her head. She opened her eyes and Karkat let out a soft sound. She had bright green eyes.

The scene changed again. Karkat was in the kitchen of a house somewhere. He was holding a little girl with curly black hair in the air as she reached for a jar on top of a refrigerator. “Don’t tell Mama,” he said as she reached the jar.

“Don’t tell Mama what?” Nepeta asked. Karkat turned around to face her, taking the girl with him. The girl had green eyes. Nepeta was standing in the doorway of the kitchen. 

Karkat put the girl on the ground. The minute her little feet hit the tile, she tilted her head back and yelled, “It was Daddy’s idea!” She ran as fast as her three year old legs could carry her.

Karkat and Nepeta started laughing at the little girl’s antics. “Little traitor!” he called after her. He heard her cackling from down the hall. He turned to Nepeta, still laughing. “Our daughter is evil.”

She shook her head at him. “Well, lets hope this one is a bit more loyal.”

Karkat stopped laughing and looked at Nepeta. She had a sheepish grin on her face. “This one?” he questioned. She bit her lip, still smiling, and nodded. He picked her up and spun her around in the kitchen. She shrieked with laughter. “Didi help!” She said between laughs as Karkat put her down and started kissing her face.

The little girl, Didi, came running back to the kitchen. When she saw her parents kissing she yelled, “Gross!” and tried to run away again. But this time, Karkat picked her up and enveloped her in a hug with Nepeta. She squirmed and laughed.

The scene changed again. He and Nepeta were at an intersection on the side of the street. Nepeta was holding a little boy, about two, with orange hair and green eyes. Didi was slightly older, around five, and had a Hello Kitty backpack on as she stood with about ten other children. Most were older and there was one that was her age. There were parents there for almost every kid.

A yellow bus pulled up to the intersection. The kids began piling on and Didi glanced back at the three of them. Karkat smiled and waved at her. Nepeta took one of the boy’s hands and made him wave goodbye to the girl. Karkat felt his heart clench as she smiled at her family and boarded the bus.

The scenes rapidly changed for a minute or two, each only lasting long enough for Karkat to see what happened before changing.

He saw the boy, Adam, getting on a bus with an older Didi. Didi performing in the school’s production of the Nutcracker when she was around ten. Adam hitting a baseball and running all the way to second as his teammate ran home. Didi in a prom dress standing next to a boy in a suit who looked suspiciously like Sollux and Aradia. Adam in a suit next to a girl in a prom dress who looked suspiciously like Vriska and Tavros. Him walking Didi down the aisle while Nepeta with gray hair stood on the bride’s side and cried tears of joy (the man at the end of the aisle was the Sollux-Aradia mix). Him and Nepeta on the groom’s side while Adam stood and looked down the aisle as Tavros … in a motorized wheelchair, apparently, walked the Tavros-Vriska looking girl down the aisle.

The scenes stopped changing so fast. Karkat and Nepeta were sitting on a porch somewhere. Her orange hair faded to white. Her skin was wrinkled. She had a pair of reading glasses on her beautiful green eyes while she flipped through the pages of a book. 

He took one of her hands. His were just as wrinkled. She looked up at him. Behind them, inside the house, he could hear four adults, two little children, and a baby. 

“I love you,” he said in a gravely old voice. She gave him that radiant smile of hers. He kissed the back of her knuckles as she answered with, “I love you, too, Karkitty.”

Karkat’s eyes shot open. He heard Nepeta stir next to him. “Karkitty?” she asked, sounding like she had just woken up. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was past one in the morning. He let out a tired groan and tried to get her to go back to sleep with him. However, she, being the concerned and caring person that she is, sat up and turned on the light. They both winced at the light (Karkat recovered first which resulted in a very … interesting view before Nepeta pulled the blankets up to her chest). 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. Karkat looked at her. She was sitting up in the bed, he was still on his side. Her hair was a complete mess from both sleeping and … other activities. She was rubbing sleep out of her emerald eyes and there was an imprint of the sheets on her cheek from the way she’d been sleeping. As cheesy as it sounded, Karkat thought she looked just as beautiful as she did in her dress earlier that day.

“Nothin’s wrong. Just had a … just had a weird dream,” he told her, the images still fresh in his mind. She looked at him for a moment before turning off the light and laying back down. 

“Nightmare?” she asked, settling back onto the bed.

Karkat shook his head, “I’ll tell you tomorrow,” he told her, knowing full well that she would forget by morning light. She made a noise of acknowledgement and went back to sleep almost instantly. Karkat stayed awake. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, he was struck with the feeling that he really wanted that to be true.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In February, there was a carnival. From the moment they saw the fliers in town, they both wanted to go. Nepeta wanted to go because fried dough is basically her crack. Karkat … well, he had a different reason (but he also wanted fried dough). 

The carnival lasted from Friday to Monday. It was the town’s annual winter festival. Normally held in January, but January was a bit too wintery to have the festival then, so it was pushed off till February. They went on Sunday. The carnival was open five thirty to eleven and they got there just as the sun was setting and the carnival was opening. 

They got their wristbands from the bored teenager who probably would have rather been anywhere else. Karkat played around with his and grumbled while Nepeta laughed.

“I hate these things,” he grouched. “They’re uncomfortable and impossible to get off.”

Nepeta took his hand, moved the band down and kissed his wrist. He felt his face flush. Even though they’d been dating more than a year and a half, and he was a grown ass man, when she did cute, romantic shit like that, he felt like an awkward teenager on his first date. The tiny box in his inside jacket pocket seemed just a bit heavier. “All better?” she asked with a grin. Karkat swallowed the sandpaper in his throat and nodded, giving her a smile in return. She nodded, lacing her fingers with his before delving into the crowd.

Children ran everywhere, parents trailing them to the carousel, ferris wheel, and other small rides and attractions. There were games, food stalls, a few rides that looked okay, and a couple you couldn’t  _ pay _ Karkat to get on. Obviously, those were the rides Nepeta made a beeline for. 

After much debate, Karkat agreed to go on two pants-shitting rides, if she payed for their food. Assuming he still had a stomach left after those rides. She rolled her eyes and called him an expensive date, but agreed to the terms. One ride on the Corkscrew and the Fireball later, Karkat was flipping off two amusement park rides. The Corkscrew was an abomination pulled from Hell that he refused to even look at after they got off it. The Fireball had the steel bull testicles to dare to exist. Someone had basically taken the loop of a rollercoaster and sealed the two ends together, making one large loop. The car had seats facing front and back, and both options were absolutely terrible. Nepeta was laughing, even as she had to pay for a large soda and chili dog he didn’t even want, but got just to spite her.

The night wore on (without any more terrifying rides) and eventually, it was a quarter past eleven. 

“Come on, Karkitty,” Nepeta said, stifling a yawn. She had won a blow up saxophone at a basketball game and bright pink shade sunglasses at the duck grabbing game. “It’s late, let’s go home.” 

“Alright,” he took her hand and led her to the entrance of the carnival, pausing when he saw a small booth, previously overlooked. “One sec,” he brought her to the small booth. She looked at him curiously. “Wanna do the photo booth?”

“Sure!” Nepeta said, suddenly full of energy again. They left their various prizes just outside the booth (Karkat got a small plush of something from a kids’ TV show from the water gun game) and got in. It was a tight fit, but they managed to put the money in and fit into the camera’s view without getting an elbow to the face.

“Make a funny face!” she said as the countdown on the screen ticked from three to one. Nepeta twisted her face into something that would make children laugh, while Karkat just smiled. Still, a rare thing to catch on camera.  _ Click _ .

Nepeta made a different face. Instead of looking at the screen, Karkat looked at her and smiled.  _ Click _ . He reached into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out the small box. Nepeta noticed he was looking at her in the last picture and turned to him. She opened her mouth to talk and Karkat opened the box, effectively silencing her with the sight of a simple diamond ring.  _ Click _ _._ He cleared his throat, ready to give the romcom worthy speech he had been rehearsing in the bathroom mirror for over an hour. “Nepe—” “YES!” she cut him off and threw her arms around him, sending him falling backwards.  _ Click . _

After much hugging, kissing, squealing, and laughing, they left the booth, picked up the strip of pictures and left the carnival hand in diamond clad hand.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Out of every questionable and regrettable choice Karkat has ever made in his life, the one that takes the cake, that he would do  _ anything _ to change is parking the car far from the entrance. 

It seemed like a reasonable decision at the time. The parking lot in front of the carnival was packed, so it was much easier and simpler to just walk a little further.

By the time they left, it was pushing eleven thirty. They were both too busy basking in the post-we-just-got-engaged bliss to worry too much about who hangs around dark streets at eleven thirty at night.

“Karbro?”

Karkat turned to the owner of the gravelly voice, the only person in the world to call him that stupid nickname. “Gamzee?”

There he was in all his drug addicted glory. He was wearing the same pants as the last time Karkat saw him, and possibly the same shirt — it was too dirty and bloodstained to tell. The only illumination on the street came from a half moon and a streetlight ten feet away. Gamzee gave him a crooked grin. His breath misted in the air, but that may have been whatever he was smoking that night. Karkat took one look in his eyes and put his arm around Nepeta’s waist protectively. He seemed even more disjointed than he did a month ago.

Gamzee’s gaze darted between the two of them. “And what are you two doing out here tonight?” he asked in a low voice.

“Karkat,” Nepeta whispered, “who is this guy?”

“No one,” he answered, keeping one eye on Gamzee. “Let’s just get out of he—”

“DON’T YOU MOTHERFUCKING KNOW,” Gamzee yelled, making them both wince and take a step back. It only encouraged the deranged man to step closer, “it’s rude to whisper when you’re having a conversation with someone else?”

Karkat pushed Nepeta behind him a little as she made a small noise. Gamzee was freaking him out, too, but he tried not to show it. “What do you want Gamzee?” he asked, getting pissed now.

“GLAD YOU ASKED, MOTHERFUCKER,” he yelled again. Nepeta tightened her grip on his jacket. The stoner couldn’t quite seem to pick a volume for his voice. “I owe some motherfucker some money. Surely my best motherfucking friend wouldn’t mind lending me a few bucks, am I right?”

“Gamzee, fuck off!” Karkat yelled. He tried to move him and Nepeta back, but Gamzee followed, rage in his eyes.

“AM I MOTHER FUCKING RIGHT?!” he yelled. He looked at Nepeta’s hand. “I mean, if you got enough money for a fancy ass ring,” Nepeta covered her left hand with her right and held them in front of her heart, “ya can spare some for me. CAN’T YOU?” He reached behind his back and pulled something out. Karkat saw the glint of metal, heard Nepeta gasp, and felt himself be shoved to the right before his brain processed the thought:  _ Where the hell did Gamzee get a gun?! _

The gunshot came right after.

The explosion made Karkat’s ears ring, effectively distracting him from the ache in his right side and taste of blood in his mouth (he might have bit his cheek or tongue — he didn’t know or care). The first thing he did was check himself for a bullet wound. The second thing he did was mentally facepalm because  _ duh, dumbass, a bullet would fucking hurt! You’d know pretty instantly if you got shot .  _

He looked at Gamzee. He was staring somewhere to Karkat’s left in shock.  _ Why the fuck is he shocked?! _ Karkat thought, everything still going a little slower than normal.  _ He’s the one who fucking shot the damn thing! _

Then Karkat looked to his left and everything stopped.

Nepeta was sprawled on the ground, facing him, with a growing pool of blood around her abdomen.

He couldn’t feel the pain in his right side, couldn’t process Gamzee’s gravely voice muttering “Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck _ ,” before the sound of metal clattering against pavement and running away, couldn’t do anything except look at Nepeta. Then she made a small, pained noise and his brain shouted  _ MOVE DUMBASS! HELP HER, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO SOMETHING! _

“N-Nepeta,” he said, his voice coming out weaker and softer than he intended. He cleared his throat and crawled over to her, not trusting his own legs to stand. “Nepeta, are— wh—” he reached where she was and sat back on his legs. She looked pale. 

“K-Kar … kitty?” she asked. He held her slight frame and brought her onto his lap while he smoothed her hair away from her face. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m here Nep,” he said. It took her a second, but her green eyes focused on him. Her face twisted in pain.

“It … it hurts.”

“What hurts?”  _ DO YOU THINK MAYBE THE FUCKING PIECE OF METAL IN HER INTERNAL ORGANS IS MAKING HER A LITTLE BIT UNCOMFORTABLE, SHIT FOR BRAINS?!  _

“It … it hurts,” she said again, squeezing her eyes shut in discomfort. She opened them and looked at him. She forced a small smile, “C-can you … kiss it all better?” she asked.

Karkat nodded, taking his eyes off her for a second to wipe them dry on the back of his sleeve. He managed a wobbly grin for her benefit and kissed her face. He tried not to move her much.

He heard a door slam open and someone come towards them. Karkat looked up and saw a guy with glasses and a Ghostbusters t-shirt running out of a building, phone in hand, screen still glowing.

“Hey buddy, are— oh God,” Karkat could see him looking at Nepeta and tightened his grip on her slightly. “I called the police, I’ll tell them to send an ambulance.” He put the phone back to his ear and ran his other hand through his dark hair. Karkat turned to Nepeta again.

“Hear that Nep? An ambulance is coming, everything will be alright,” he said. Maybe it was because he had finally stopped and taken a breath, but just now the scent of gunpowder hit his nose. He turned to the source of the scent and saw the smoking gun. He growled. 

Karkat felt a cold hand on his cheek. He looked back at the owner. Nepeta had always had colder hands and feet than he did and constantly used him as a heater. But this time … her hands seemed too cold. “Nepeta, I promise, I won’t let him get away with … with hurting you. I’m so,  _ so _ , fucking sorry, I should’ve … should’ve parked closer, we should’ve left sooner, I —”

“Shh,” she moved her hand over his cheek, wiping away a stubborn tear that left his eye. “It’s not your f-fault Karkitty. You didn’t know … you didn’t know,” her eyes started to drift shut.

“Nepeta? Nepeta!” He shook her gently until she opened her eyes again. Her eyes were clouded for a moment before they took on a look of mild fright.

“Karkitty?” she asked in a small voice. 

“I’m here Nep, I’m here.”

“I-I don’t want to go,” she started crying and shaking. “Don-Don’t make me go, I’m not ready to go.”

“You don’t have to go, please, stay with me, please.” Where was the damn ambulance?!

It showed not thirty seconds later and the EMTs were pulling her out of his arms and inspecting him for injuries even though he’s fine, _for god’s sake, just help her! Just help her! _

_ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* _

He almost punched the guy who said he couldn’t ride in the ambulance with her. But he was forceful and the monitor they attached to Nepeta started making a noise it shouldn't have been making and the EMT won, closing the door in Karkat's face.

One nerve wracking, law breaking drive later, he arrived at St Andrew's Hospital and ran to the front desk. The nurse only directed him to the area where family members can wait. 

He sat there for what might have been hours or minutes, he couldn’t tell, barely having the presence of mind to call her sister and Kurloz. Karkat knew that Kurloz would listen to what was being said and sign to Meulin, who would actually talk. It somehow didn’t feel as bad as telling Meulin directly and worse at the same time when he had to explain why he was calling, why it was from a hospital, and which hospital. Sollux texted him a little bit after he hung up and they were on their way, asking him how it went. Karkat had to tell him, he told Aradia, and Aradia apparently called Tavros and Vriska when they left for the hospital. They all ended up making the second largest group of people in the waiting room (apparently an Italian grandfather had broken his leg at a wedding reception and took the party with him).

Meulin was keeping herself surprisingly calm. She tried talking to Kurloz, who was constantly rubbing her back, but her hands were shaking too much to make out any words. Vriska had made a bit of a scene when she and Tavros came, causing Tavros to take her out of the waiting room. They just came back, and Vriska’s face was considerably more wet than when they left. She kept a strong face on around the others. Sollux and Aradia were in their own states of disarray, but kept to a quiet corner by themselves. Probably just as well. Aradia would have probably started talking nonstop about the inevitability of death, and Karkat really didn’t feel like having to yell at her that night.

Per the protocol of the city, the GSW was reported to the police and an officer was sent down to question the people who came in with the victim. With the night he was having, Karkat really shouldn’t have been surprised when Officer Equius Zahhak of the 12th Precinct was the one who came to the hospital. He also should have expected the punch.

As soon as Equius had seen Karkat and Meulin in the waiting room without Nepeta, he ran up to Karkat and decked him in the jaw. “What did you do Vantas?! Where is she!” he had screamed and demanded. Karkat was holding his jaw, looking dazed on the ground, while Meulin and Aradia tried to calm him down. Karkat heard Aradia explain that Nepeta had been shot in a robbery gone bad and watched as she supported the full weight of a man twice her size when his knees buckled and guided him to a chair. Karkat was helped back to his seat (it might have been Kurloz, or maybe Sollux — honestly Karkat was settling into some form of shock by then) and no more words were spoken.

It was sometime later that Karkat felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He glanced over to his left, near a nurse’s station, where a nurse and a doctor were standing, talking. The nurse had on light purple scrubs with a black long-sleeve underneath, along with a matching black headband in her short, blonde hair. The doctor had on jade green scrubs, and a matching jade scrub cap. Her skin was dark, a stark contrast to the milky white of the nurse’s. They both looked exhausted, physically and mentally. They were talking, but were too far for Karkat to hear. He nudged Kurloz and gestured to the two women. Kurloz nodded and pulled out his phone, typing what he read on the womens’ lips.

_ Nurse: You don’t have to tell them, Kanaya. I can do it. _

_ Doctor: I do have to, that’s the thing. She was my patient, I should be the one to inform them. _

Karkat saw the nurse gaze lovingly at the doctor, but all he could focus on was that word.  _ Was . _

_ Nurse: You are a stronger woman than I, I suppose. Good luck. _

The nurse left and the doctor made her way to the group. Everyone noticed her arrival and stood (the Italian family had left leaving only their little, ragtag, broken family). The doctor glanced at the amount of people, consulted the chart in her hand, and looked back up. “Is one of you a Meulin Leijon, or Karkat Vantas?” she asked in a soft British accent. Meulin, Kurloz, and Karkat stepped forward and exchanged quick pleasantries with the doctor, now known as Dr. Maryam. 

“How is she, Doctor?” Meulin asked, her voice just above a whisper. Dr. Maryam gave her the most sincerely pitying look Karkat had seen anyone give, and as she explained the extent of Nepeta’s injuries, Karkat could only hear that word.  _ Was. Was. Was. _ He didn’t hear Dr. Maryam’s actual statement until after Meulin collapsed into Kurloz, screaming and sobbing.

_ “I’m sorry, but her injuries were too severe. We did all we could. Nepeta didn’t make it.” _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He could blame Dr. Maryam. If she had been a better surgeon, then Nepeta might have pulled through. He could blame the EMTs. If they had gotten there faster, then they might have been able to save her. He could blame Mr. Makara, bad gun control laws, and even the universe until he’s blue in the face from how many “what-if-then-might-have’s” he’d be spouting. But there is only one person to blame for extinguishing the light of one of the last few good things in the world. 

Only one.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The funeral was depressing, as all funerals are. He didn’t feel it though. He didn’t feel much of anything. He mumbled his way through a eulogy (a eulogy he shouldn’t have needed to write), and kept his head down whenever the Zahhaks or Meulin ( _ poor Meulin _ _,_ he heard whispers,  _ she’s all alone now _ _._ Why whisper when talking about a deaf girl?) would look at him. He knew that they blamed him. They were right to. But the blame was not entirely his own. That, he knew.

Several people had come up to him and told him the police would apprehend the criminal responsible. Bullshit. The Makara’s own this city. The police would sooner eat their own guns than arrest Gamzee. Karkat neglected to tell Equius who the shooter was for that reason. Nothing would happen, except for a million-dollar-a-day defense attorney smearing Nepeta’s name in court. It wasn’t worth it. 

Nepeta was buried with her engagement ring on. Karkat was out of tears.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sollux caught his eye across the room of mourners and jerked his head to the side. He walked into the kitchen. Karkat followed him.

The kitchen wasn’t completely cut off from the rest of the apartment, but there was no one there. Sollux leaned against the counter and loosened his tie. Karkat crossed his arms and kept his head down. He was tired of the pitying looks.

“How you holding up, KK?” Sollux asked. Karkat shrugged. Sollux sighed. “Okay, lithten. I theriouthly didn’t want it to come to thith, but I gueth it hath to.” Karkat glanced up at his friend. Sollux reached inside his suit jacket and came out with a brown lunch bag. It was folded around the object inside and Karkat could see it had a vaguely rectangular shape.

“What’s—”

“Thut up and lithten carefully,” Sollux interrupted. “You remembered that time in college when we got too drunk and lotht our dorm keyth. You remembered me thaying ‘Let’th jutht thleep it off at my dad’th plathe’. You remembered I lotht my key to my dad’th plathe when we lotht the dorm keyth. You remembered uth throwing a thtatue through the window tho we could we get in. You remembered uth leaving before my thtep-mom and dad woke up. You remembered my thep-mom flipping out and demanding my dad do thomething to protect the houthe. You remembered him getting thith. You remembered my car got broken into a few weekth ago. You remembered me borrowing thith from my dad, jutht in cathe, and keeping it in my glove bockth,” he paused for breath. “You told me that the copth wanted to talk to you again. You told me your car ith in the thop. I let you borrow mine.” He pressed the package into Karkat’s hands. “Do you underthtand?”

Karkat looked at the bag. He had an idea of what was in it. He looked back up at Sollux. He was giving Karkat a serious look. Karkat gave him a grim nod and slapped his back once. “Yeah. Yeah, I understand.”

Sollux nodded. Karkat turned to leave the apartment. When he reached the doorway of the kitchen, Sollux called out to him. He turned around and stuck the package inside his suit jacket. “One favor,” Sollux said before grinning. “Pump hith ath full of lead for me.”

Karkat nodded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The man jerked awake. What woke him? He listened intently, but kept his head down. Several grunts and thumps alert him to a poor guy getting his ass kicked. Probably that scrawny new guy who thought he was a gangbanger. The man pulled the scratchy blanket over his head again. He tried to muffle the sounds and memories with little success.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When the police asked him how he found Gamzee’s apartment, he told them it used to be a hangout spot of theirs when they were in high school. He doesn’t tell them about the text he got on his way there.

_ 413 Hussie Ave. _

_ Apartment C _

_ Do what you have to _

They don’t need to know.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For a guy who just killed an innocent (sweet, amazing,  _ wonderful _ ) woman, Gamzee opens his door rather easily. All he did was knock. From the hallway, Karkat could smell the scent of chemicals and poisons, whether they were emanating from the apartment in front of him or the surrounding ones, it’s clear this is exactly where Gamzee would be. He could nearly taste the drugs in the air, mixed in with his own sweat. The metal of the gun was cold in his clammy hand. As Gamzee approached the door, Karkat was aware of the creaks and groans of the floorboards in an uneven pattern. That fucker was high again.

The look of shock on his face was nearly comical.Probably the only person Gamzee had expected to show up less than he did Karkat would have been Nepeta herself. There was a moment of silence (not really — There was an upstairs neighbor with loud rave music pumping through the floor and a next-door neighbor with one — no, two crying babies) before Karkat spoke. “Hello,  _ best friend _ .”

Gamzee turned tail and tried to slam the door. On any other occasion, Karkat might not have been able to get in. However, the sight of the junkie had sent him into a rage unlike any he’d ever experienced. Adrenaline pushed him through the door before it could close and he forced his way into the apartment. The hand holding the gun came out in front of him, right in Gamzee’s face. The sight of the weapon sobered him up quickly.

“It’s cool,” he said, his voice warbly again. His hands were held up, palms facing Karkat. “It’s cool man.”

“Shut up,” Karkat seethed through clenched teeth. He supposed his hand should have been shaking. He was preparing to kill someone who had once been his closest friend, and besides, in all those cop shows the civilian with the gun’s hand shook. But his hand was steady. It had to be. It was a revolver, only six bullets. He had to make every shot count. “Shut up, you chucklefucking piece of  _ complete SHIT _ ! YOU DON’T GET TO FUCKING SAY ANOTHER WORD. NOT NOW. NOT EVER AGAIN.”

It was at this moment, Gamzee knew — he had fucked up. 

He slowly reached behind him, but Karkat noticed the gun on the table near him and shot once. Five bullets left. The recoil wasn’t bad, it was a smaller gun, but the noise was incredible. Both him and Gamzee (who was completely unscathed, the bullet was off by a mile) winced as the  _ bang _ echoed around the small apartment. Gamzee recovered first and reached for his gun again. Karkat was right there after him and steadied the gun in both his hands before taking another shot. Gamzee’s cry of pain was nigh instantaneous with the gunshot this time and blood (red like Nepeta’s, but tinted purple from the blue neon lights of the pawn shop outside the window) poured out of his shoulder. Four.

Karkat was stunned just long enough for Gamzee (who had most likely been shot multiple times before) to press his hand against the wound and try running further into the apartment. Karkat saw this and pointed the gun down.  _ Bang _ . Three. Gamzee yelled and went down as the bullet went through his calf. He was on his stomach breathing heavily, making his whole body rise and fall. Karkat calmly stepped over until he was next to the junkie, looking down on him like the scum he was.

Sollux’s words came back to him. With an almost giddy grin, he let out another two shots,  _ bang bang _ . One left. He knelt down and grabbed Gamzee’s unruly, greasy hair and pulled his head up so Karkat could look into his eyes. A floorboard must have come up and cut him as there were three long scratches oozing red-purple blood across his face. He was staring at Karkat with his brown eyes, hoping for any glimmer of compassion or mercy. There was none.

Karkat leaned close to Gamzee’s ear and whispered, “This is for her.” He dropped his former friend’s head and stepped back. With the vision of Nepeta’s smiling face in his mind, he fired the last bullet into Gamzee’s back, right where his heart was. 

He twitched and shook and gurgled for a while, then he went still. Karkat didn’t move. When the police came, Equius and his partner, a woman with long brown hair and glasses, Karkat was still standing there, looking down at Gamzee’s body, waiting. Waiting.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Karkat opened his eyes. The shouts had gotten louder, guards were breaking up the fight. He wiped a hand under his eyes to dry them. It was stupid, he was stupid. Did he really think killing Gamzee would bring her back? It didn’t. Neither did his trial where he was defended by ADA Pyrope who knew Nepeta in college, or the appeal where Ms. Pyrope argued evidence tampering on behalf of the police (Equius had been the one to look through his phone and deleted the text), or anything else that happened after that night. She was gone, only existing in that strip of photos Karkat had kept. He looked at them again.

They were impossibly happy, and then … 

He closed his eyes again. She was gone, but sometimes, sometimes he thought he could still hear her laugh, her cute little cat puns she sometimes slipped in, her saying in her cute little pouty voice, “Kiss it all better.” 

His eyes were wet again as he pressed the photostrip to his chest and held onto her memory. Twenty-five years more until he could repeat this cycle in their— his own home. Those pictures couldn’t keep him warm at night, couldn’t flick bits of batter at him when they were making pancakes or something stupidly domestic like that, couldn’t kiss his warm forehead when his shitty immune system failed to protect him during flu season. Those pictures were the last of her, but weren’t her at the same time. And he needed her now.

“Stay with me,” he muttered, his voice barely audible as his lips quivered and his body shook. “Please … just stay with me until I fall asleep.”

As he drifted into unconsciousness (the only other place she existed now), he could imagine her brushing his hair back and kissing his cheek, promising to stay with him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, who cried? Who laughed? Who wants to punch me? I'm terrible, I know, but thank you so much for reading!!! This site always makes me feel better (^^)


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